Socio Paths #3 Deluded white rapper
Sintax, genius with style and grace. Complete with body odour and car crash face. Doesn’t get the girls but he doesn’t feel defeated, instead he’s gone on match.com and can’t quite believe it. Every date he’s had since is history repeated; he gets a load of winks when they find out he’s a rapper but he gets let down when they don’t act like a slapper.
Take Amy Smythe, a prize example: her backside’s tidy and her tits are ample. It’s hard to find a guy, who’ll tear himself away from stella, mates, eighths and nightly GTA. When she stumbles upon Sintax she’s fleetingly proud, she’s found the guy who makes words, not grunts, come out of his mouth – pollysyllabic fella – he isn’t 32, doesn’t listen to Paul Weller. But she’s wrong and the dream goes bad fast; his breath’s worse than the taste of Slimfast. He can’t dress, his socks are white, he tries to limp when he walks and his stance is uptight. He’s got a posh accent, uses words like ‘bredren’, hoping that a bit of street will get her into the bedroom.
He ain’t dapper, this dick’s dappy, thought joining a collective would somehow make him happy. Live the dream. Make fame happen. Not make people point and laugh, saying ‘that one’. ‘He’s the one from Good Looking Names’, ‘Geez’s insane. Thought we wouldn’t know he’s ripped off Goldie Looking Chain’, ‘Now what do you crazy kids want to eat for tea?’. That’s just what the mothers say in Somerfield. They know their NWA from GLC, send our freestyling villain back to mutha for tlc. He puts two holes in his hoodie, facing back, hopes he won’t get identified on lyrical crack he’s shat (and didn’t wipe front to back), on everything that’s good about UK rap. Says he bops about, full backup from his crew, the same peeps that beat him up and post it up on YouTube.
Spurned, hated, beaten and bruised; he leaves his posse ‘cause he thinks he’s being used. Called himself ‘Impenitant’ cause he thought it sounded feral, but at battles gets called ‘Impotent’, his raps are so sterile. Reckons his shit’s better than stuff from the Renaissance, just a smartprice wordsmith packed with middle-class complacence. Hiphop’s got to pull the plug but it can’t find the stopper: Sintax use your English BA and go do something proper.
